Does your coach tick these boxes?
1. Their coaching is driven by their need for contribution to you and your success, not their need for significance.
Tony Robins, coaching extraordinaire identifies 6 needs that all human have:
1. Certainty – the feeling of safety and security
2. Uncertainty – the yearning for adventure and excitement
3. Significance – the feeling of being important, loved, special and needed
4. Love & Connection – with the people around us
5. Growth – of ourselves, our capabilities, our understanding
6. Contribution – the feeling of being of service to others.
We have all of these needs. However behind each decision we make one or two of these needs drive it, including the decision to become a coach. A coach whose primary need is the need for significance will do everything to keep them significant to you, including building a reliance on them and making you feel like you need them to feel good or to get you to the next step.
A coach who is driven by their need to contribute is more focused on your success, whether it involves them or not. I have always loved teachers who encourage further education of other people’s teachings, not just their own. A brilliant coach who is primarily interested in your success will give you all the tools you need to get you to the next level, whether it involves them or not.
2. Someone who can identify patterns
‘If you ever want to know a person study their patterns’.
It is difficult for us to identify our own patterns. Possible, yes. But it takes a high level of self-awareness and insights of oneself. In order for a coach to help you get to where you want to be, they need to understand what makes you tick, how the inner mechanisms of your brain work, what are your triggers, etc.
3. Someone who can help you align your values to your goals
There are many people in the world who say they ‘want’ certain things, to be rich, to lose weight, to have fulfilling relationships. The staggering reality is that most of the time they don’t do the things that are needed in order to get what they want. They neglect to save, neglect to look after their health, eating habits and fitness levels, shy away from the difficult confrontational scenarios that make for strong fulfilling relationships. If you say you have a goal, but your life demonstrates nothing close to it, you have an incongruent goal.
What is an incongruent goal? One that does not align with your values. Your values are what is important to you, in terms of what your life demonstrates, such as your family, zoning out in front of Netfilx, your friends, perhaps your business. If we impose goals that are not congruent with what is important to us, the result is that we won’t do the difficult things that it takes to reach our goals. A coach needs to be able to identify your values and make sure that you do maximum follow-through on your goals by aligning your values and your goals.
4. Someone who walks their talk
Most life coaches are poor and useless. Unfortunately. Your coach must have the life balance, success and zest for life that you are looking for. Great coaches don’t need to have alphabet behind their name to prove that they are any good. But they have to be able to demonstrate that they can get you to where you want to be. There is a sage African proverb ‘Be careful when a naked man offers you a shirt.’
5. Clarity and certainty
When a coach is unsure that they can help you, you’ll know it. I once had a coach who told me that they didn’t know how to help me. I felt confused and lost. If my coach could not help me, then who could? ‘Am I a lost case?’ I thought. I lost faith in the whole process. Your coach needs to be certain that they can get you to where you want to be and clear about how they’re going to go about it.
Watch these videos here for more insight on clarity and certainty….