Learning and understanding life’s many lessons is critical for personal growth. Life lessons are called that for very good reason, you need to experience life in order to learn lessons, and the more you experience the more you learn. Some lessons are easier to learn than others and sometimes we’ll learn the hard way and will have to experience a few failed attempts before the lesson finally sinks in. It’s important to remember that we’re not all alone on this learning journey called life. Some of the most valuable lessons we need to learn come from other people. Some of them are passed on by family, friends, teachers and coaches. While others we discover when reading the works of great thinkers.
It’s so important to remain curious about life and I encourage you to nurture that curiosity and desire for self-awareness. The people in your life often act as mirror and coaches and mentors have a particular knack for encouraging you to delve deeper into personal enquiry and finding the golden lesson within the accumulation of your experiences. I’ve been fortunate enough to have learned a handful of extremely valuable lessons from my coaches that I want to share with you. The key here is that once you learn the lessons, you can apply them in your life and see the benefits to your happiness and well-being.
In order to set goals that are achievable, it’s imperative to get clear on what is important to me.
Sometimes this gets cloudy and confused by the chaos of life. When we set goals by ourselves, depending on our state of mind and emotional state, we can either set really low non-inspiring goals or out-of -the stratosphere goals that we’ll never reach and it’ll crush our spirit trying to achieve for them.
The best thing my coach did was help me set realistic goals that were truly meaningful to me. They were stretched just enough to help me aspire and grow but not too much as to make me feel overwhelmed.
Once we’ve set the goals sometimes we think that we have soooooo much to do before we get there that we start to feel overwhelmed.
We put incredible pressure on ourselves to get things right in order to feel successful. We don’t recognize that most of the time if we get just one thing right, then everything else falls into place. Identifying this one thing by ourselves can be tough because to us, everything seems important.
This is where my coach’s guidance came into play. My coach helped me cut through the BS and helped me focus on one thing instead.
We’re by far, our own harshest critics. We put insane pressure on ourselves and beat ourselves up when we don’t live up to our own high expectations. We set ridiculous standards for ourselves, we preoccupy ourselves with things and ideals that we think we should achieve and obsess about them until they just end up making us unhappy. I should be more like this. I should be doing this. I should have done this…I should, I should…so many frikken should’s! Should’a, would’a, could’a!
Here’s the funny thing – when we’re in the mode of brutally beating ourselves up, we look for other people to tell us that yes- we’re awful, unsuccessful and undeserving. A good coach knows when you’re beating yourself up and will lend you their kindness. Not because they’re soft but because everyone deserves a touch of kindness in a moment of despair. And don’t be fooled, when needed they will be cruel too.
I remember this one coaching call I’d committed to. It was a Skype call, so it’s easy to bail out and give some excuse – “my internet is down blah- blah”. But I went on the call and I candidly said that I hadn’t done any of the assigned work from the previous coaching call and I almost didn’t show up to this one. I felt horrible. I felt like I should be punished and slapped on my wrists- reprimanded like a naughty child. That’s when my coach did something I didn’t expect. He applauded me, he made me feel that making it to that coaching call was the biggest triumph. I just remember that sense of feeling completely defeated, like a useless piece of crap, to “Oh my word! I’m not that bad. I didn’t bail. I made it here. And that is enough for now.” It gave me the strength to continue with the coaching and completing the assignments. I’m sure that if I had ended up making an excuse and not made it to the call, then I could very well have fallen back into the vicious circle of beating myself up – back in an abusive relationship with myself if you will.
“I am good enough, I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.”
This is a statement that is hard to say for many people, including me. Getting continuous coaching helped me to believe in myself first and foremost, to bet on myself. After all, no one owes me anything. Especially not their permission for me to be my best self. You have to give that permission to yourself. Only you can do that!
The first time I really gave myself permission to be empowered and to embrace my greatness was when I had a coach.
Many of us have the fear that we’re not good enough. Sometimes it takes an unbiased professional to show us that indeed we are enough.