A fresh perspective on breaking commitments.

I have been feeling very dishonourable. In the last few weeks, I’ve been going through a transition in both my personal and professional capacities and as a result, I’ve lost touch with my . I broke a commitment that I thought was important to me. It’s a tough place to be, admitting that you’ve let yourself down and dealing with disappointment.

The events of the last few weeks have made me realise that I judge honour far too much. I’m specifically talking about honouring commitments and the double-edged sword of living up to expectations that only I have placed on myself. A nasty internal dialogue starts playing in my head. “This is what it should look like- and if it doesn’t look exactly like what I had in mind or committed to, then clearly I haven’t kept my word to myself and honoured my commitments.” What I’ve come to recognise is the thing that I really stopped honouring before the video-a-day challenge itself was myself. It was inevitable that I’d stop honouring the challenge as a result.

I thought that to be honourable meant sticking to a commitment, like the challenge I set out to do. But it’s not. To me, it is to honour my authentic being- striving to grow, thrive and self-actualise no matter what.

How often do we stop to honour ourselves? To really treat ourselves and our lives as a privilege?

In the past year I haven’t done it nearly enough, so yes I was bound to stop honouring my commitments in order to be led forward to my authentic self.

To be honourable is to be integral, undivided, whole. When we fail to do so, we set things in motion that break us down so much so, that we feel every emotion available to us. We unknowingly put ourselves on a path where really the only option left for us to consider is to really feel whole. Undivided. Integral. Honourable.

Breaking commitments is not new to me. But this is the first time that I have stopped to question why. Everything we do is a strategy to help us grow. Honour is not just about following through on commitments it’s also about respect. We need to show ourselves respect and hold our authentic selves in high regard. We need to really value the life we have and the goals that allow us to create a life we love.

It’s about being brutally honest with ourselves- which isn’t always easy. The only way I can break a commitment is if it’s not truly that important to me, no matter how much I lie and convince myself otherwise. The only way to break a commitment is to not honour myself enough to realise that it’s not what my authentic self really is yearning for right now.

Where to from here? I have a choice of whether to continue beating myself up over failed commitments that might not be aligned with my authentic self in the first place, but who’ll benefit from that? Or I could make the next commitment and test if it really is a good fit for my authentic self. If not, then simply course correct and continue to honour me no matter what.

Have you ever broken a commitment to yourself or to someone else? How did that help you grow as a person, how did it make you more authentic?